Declaring war on ourselves

And the risk of befriending

A couple days ago I came across an Instagram Reel (below) of a shirtless guy running on a treadmill. Not the most unusual thing to see around the new year. The text over the video read: “After turning 30 I declared war on my belly fat. Here’s exactly what I did.” Again, a pretty common—although deeply annoying—sentiment this time of year. But this post’s use of the term “declared war” stuck with me throughout the day. “I declared war on my belly fat.” I kept wondering about how commonplace this idea—if not the language itself—is in how we relate with parts of ourselves.

Put a different way, “I declared war on my belly fat” is saying, I declared war on my body, I declared war on myself, I declared war on I. A culturally celebrated and rewarded internal civil war.

Declaring war on ourselves brought me back to the visceral sense of fighting my body in my eating disorder. Further back, it reminded me of my Christian upbringing: the spirit is willing, the body is weak. An evangelical favorite: “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh; for these are opposed to each other, to prevent you from doing what you would.” (Galatians 5: 16-18) Being at war with our bodies (flesh) is seen as a prerequisite to living by the Spirit.

A post advertising an evangelical sermon series titled, I Declare War.

We’ve been declaring war on our bodies for thousands of years—spiritually and physically. In my experience, the “I” who declared war on parts of my body was the same “spirit” that sought to squash the desires of my “flesh.” In both cases, what felt comfortable was supposedly bad, and what felt uncomfortable was supposedly good. In high school, this kept me waking up at 5am for “quiet times” to read the Bible. In my early 20s, it also kept me waking up at 5am, but this time to go to the gym. Different behaviors, but same attempts to “train” my body and spirit to attain some ideal.

I wonder if others can relate to this type of waging war against our desires and bodies. While the Christian church encourages an explicit eschewing of the body and desires, we see other examples in the real world. We’re told that pleasure and rest are things to be earned and limited. Eat this, not that. Sitting is the new smoking. Get your steps in. On and on.

I’m extremely familiar with declaring war on parts of myself. First, my sexuality. Later, my body. I notice myself at war with death often. Some people are even making it their life’s work to be “at war with death.”

Over the years I’ve noticed that befriending the parts of myself I’ve been at war with has opened me up to something new. My life really began after befriending my sexuality. Befriending my body (or at least being well on that process) has allowed me to sink into life in a whole new way. Maybe I’ll get around to befriending the reality of death.

It’s a risk; befriending the parts of ourselves we’ve been at war with.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe not. Regardless, the last thing we need is a normalization and celebration of declaring war on parts of ourselves. We’re already really good at that.