Play!
My hope for this post is to 1) share a little about why I’m writing here and 2) take “here” less seriously.
One
By writing in this little space, I’m finding a lot of meaning in making meaning. I started this Substack with the plan of writing about queer men and body stuff, and I quickly realized that, for me, writing about that in a vacuum is impossible. One thing leads to the other leads to the other. I’m constantly making meaning of things in my head. Connections between past and present, external pressures and internal experience, thoughts and actions, religion and queerness, social norms and embodiment. This is my place to play with these connections and meaning-making.
In my part-time social worker life, I want to explore the ways our external world influences our internal selves; how the community impacts the individual. In my part-time stay-at-home dad life, I find myself wishing for some way to interact with the world outside my daily rhythms. As a full-time queer person with a body, I also want to explore how to celebrate our existence, grieve some of what we’ve lost, and reckon with external social pressures. To the extent it resonates with others, love it.
When I look at the list of things I want to explore here, it’s like so totally random: reflections on the concert I went to, fundamentalism, eating disorders, nightclubs as church, Mary Oliver poems, the letter I recently received imploring me not to be gay, the series of Grindr ads I’m seeing on TikTok… It’s truly a mishmash, and when I remember that clicking the “publish” button means sending it directly to your inbox, I want to shrivel away and never click that button again.
At the same time, the idea of keeping my writing contained to a specific topic for consistent readership or a brand or whatnot sounds super boring. This brings me to the next point.
Two
You have my permission to completely tune me out, even if you’re my best friend, mom, or longtime client. My husband is my only captive audience, the rest of you can do what you want. I need to put this in writing because I need permission to not take this writing seriously. The moment I start taking it seriously, every ounce of desire to write evaporates.
A very comforting thought is that no one outside myself is tempted to take this writing seriously. While I spend 1-2 hours a week on this Substack and I see it as a continuation of what I hope to contribute to the world, for the vast majority of subscribers, it’s nothing more than a spam email from Shutterfly or West Elm. It’ll be marked as read, ignored, in the spam folder, momentarily glanced at, just like everything else. Phew.
A part of me really does hope that what I share here sparks a connection, thought, or resonance in people who read it. But please, by all means, do what you need to do. All I care about is that I have a little space to write <3
Please be as authentic as you feel comfortable. I appreciate the insights and connections.
Love this Kent! Write because it’s life giving and because as humans it’s amazing to read something someone else has written and to think”Me too!”